The male suicides: how social perfectionism kills

In every country in the world, male suicides outnumber female. Will Storr asks why.

Finally, Drummond had everything he’d ever dreamed of. He’d come a long way since he was a little boy, upset at his failure to get into the grammar school. That had been a great disappointment to his mother, and to his father, who was an engineer at a pharmaceutical company. His dad had never showed much interest in him as a child. He didn’t play with him and when he was naughty, he’d put him over the back of a chair and wallop him. That’s just the way men were in those days. Your father was feared and respected. Dads were dads.

It was difficult, seeing the grammar boys pass by the house in their smart caps, every morning. Drummond had always dreamed of becoming a headteacher in a little school in a perfect village when he grew up, but he was only able to get a place at the technical school learning woodwork and bricklaying. The careers tutor almost laughed when he told him of his dreams to teach. But Drummond was ambitious. He earned a place at college, became president of its student union. He found a teaching job, married his childhood sweetheart, and slowly climbed his way to a headship in a Norfolk village. He had three children and two cars. His mother, at least, was proud.

And he was sitting alone in a small room, thinking about killing himself.

Reference:

• The Samaritans report ‘Men, suicide and society’. This is a really key document for anyone interested in male suicide, in particular in middle-aged men. It was co-authored by Professor Rory O’Connor.
• The relations between perfectionism and suicidality. This is a lengthy review, conducted by Professor O’Connor, which looks at how perfectionism in all its guises plays into suicidal thinking.
• Me, Myself and Us by Brian Little This doesn’t contain anything directly about suicide but focuses on the study of personality.
• Back from the edge. The first of a pair of stories the Economist ran on suicide in China, full of stats and intrigue.